i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
