After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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