I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
