i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
