I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
