Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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