i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
