wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's never too late to be topless.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize