Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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