No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
