I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
