I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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