Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
