So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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