Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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