Can i not drive my cunt home
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
