dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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