you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
