just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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