Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
