oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
