You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
