i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Damn victory sex feels great
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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