I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize