Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
