I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
