I'm so fucking centered right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
