so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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