Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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