I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
