I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize