i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
