my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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