He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
