how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.