I wanna passion pit in your ass
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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