I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
