Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
