i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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