Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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