I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
