my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
only you would photoshop your dick
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
