I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
