You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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