Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
