I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
