you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
