85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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