Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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