I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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