I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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