we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
