I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
