I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize
