I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
