based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
