Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
