just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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