Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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