1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
