pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
