i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
