If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
