so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
