Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
