She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
