forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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