I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
