I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
