Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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