You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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