4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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