dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
