oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
