Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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