How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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