she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
